Orc News

This morning when Kur and Klema showed up at court the rat in dispute was nowhere to be found. Chief Gazog shrugged, burped, and dismissed the case.

This rat was the cause of the fight in which Ragesh killed Krum. Yesterday, Kur and Klema both claimed to be Krum’s heirs and therefore the rightful owners of the rat. Today, with the rat having disappeared, Gazog does not need to rule on the case.

Our cooking correspondent, Nashga, managed to get an exclusive interview with Kur, the late Krum’s father. Utilizing her expense account and the promise of a large steak, she got him to open up about his late son.

Nashga: Welcome Kur. Sit down.

Kur: Hi. <sniff sniff> Where’s my steak?

Nashga: Not so fast, it is still absorbing the seasoning. Remember, I have a few questions to ask you.

Kur: I want my steak rare. Bloody rare. So red, we can’t be sure it’s dead.

Nashga: Anyway, can I ask you about the incident with Ragesh and your late son, Krum?

Kur: Ragesh bad orc! Ragesh stab me son! Me innocent son!

Nashga: Krum was holding a large club and threatening to kill him at the time. Don’t you think Ragesh may have acted in self defense?

Kur: Self defense? After Ragesh ate his plump, yummy rat?

Nashga: The rat whose inheritance you disputed with Klema after Krum’s funeral? The one that disappeared while Chief Gazog was keeping it?

Kur: Yes, that rat. The rat Ragesh ate before he killed my Krum.

Nashga: But how could Ragesh have eaten it if it was still alive after Krum’s funeral?

Kur: Are you calling my Krum a liar? My poor, innocent, honest Krum? Do you need my club to persuade you he was an honest orc?

Nashga: Calm down. Do you see this steak knife I’m holding? The really sharp one that would really hurt you if it were to accidentally lodge itself between your ribs? I suggest you sit down and let me finish cutting the steak. I won’t even put it on the grill, so it will be nice and rare for you.

Kur: Just don’t go calling my Krum a liar. And give me the steak. You promised.

Nashga: Here you go, so rare you can still hear it moo.

At that point the interview concluded, because Kur was too busy noisily eating to say anything.