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First Dates For Geeks

Park geese

A walk in the park is never a bad idea – unless it’s raining.

Ok, I’ve given you some time to meet your preferred geek. You talked to her (Ladies, and gentlemen who are interested in men, I am, as is my normal, going to talk as if to a guy, not that the advice doesn’t work for you but, it is a lot easier than doing the he/she stuff all the time). Things went well. Or at least they weren’t a total disaster. Ok even if it was a total disaster she helped you get through it and you asked her out!

The hard part being taken care of you now have an actual date arranged. You are going out next Saturday! Now take a deep breath, first dates are not always a disaster. If you’ve never had a first date you will  be terrified that it will. If you have had more than a few you know how badly they can go. Don’t sweat it. We are here to get you through it.

The first thing to remember is that your chosen is probably just as scared as you are. If you’ve had a disaster then so has she. If she hasn’t had a bad first date she is very young and has heard the stories with all the horrific exaggeration she could handle. See you’ve got something in common already. Your job is to make it as relaxed a date as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t do something exciting, just that it needs to be something that won’t set her alarms off. In other words the date at the swap club you heard about on the porn channel is probably a bad idea. I said probably, one can never be sure what will freak someone out or what won’t.

The one thing I would advise against is being too boring. Dinner and a movie is predictable, and often boring. Now if you can manage your date on the opening weekend of the franchise that brought you together that is a different matter entirely. Waiting until that weekend next spring is probably moving just a bit slow so you need to find something else.

Jungle Jim's Grocery

Exotic foods, fun conversations, history and culinary challenges, what’s not to love about Jungle Jim’s?

If it is something that can be tied to your mutual fandoms that is great. A trip to a museum show on medieval armor if you are both D&D geeks for example. If you are gun geeks a trip to the range might be fun. I wound up taking my betrothed to a grocery store. Yes I did! Now this was a special application of geekiness. She is a cooking geek. In fact you may be reading her Wednesday “Eat This while You Read That” column on this Ezine. I am marrying Cedar Sanderson if you are one of the three people I haven’t bragged about this to. And the store I took her to is an amazing place in Cincinnati called Jungle Jim’s. It carries exotic goods from all over the world. So it fit one of her geeky bits. Mine too, we had fun. And having fun is the important part.

Something else to keep in mind is a bit of psychological trickery. Studies show that if you do something exciting or a little scary the excitement is what is remembered after the date. In other words, the roller coaster excited her, she remembers that you excited her. It is a trick of the mind but knowing it does not make you a bad person. And having her remember you as an exciting person usually doesn’t hurt.

Scary movies can have the same effect as exciting ones. Like the roller coaster mentioned earlier she will remember excitement with you. Note, some people can’t do scary movies, make sure you check first. Another advantage of the scary movie is in her favor. If she wants to get a little closer physically a scary movie is a great excuse to hold your hand or even cuddle into your shoulder. This gives you the chance to be the strong protector type, very manly keeping the Boojums off her!

Whatever you choose make sure it is something where you don’t make her feel trapped. All geeks tend to be a little leery of being trapped. This is why asking her to your house to show that you are a gourmet cook is not a great idea normally for a first date, too much like the spider asking the fly into his web. Now sometimes the fly wants to be invited into the web but make sure they are really comfortable with the idea first.

Yellow ratsnake

The zoo is another fun and different date idea. You’ll get to find out what makes her happy and it might not be what you expect! Not all girls are into cute ‘n fluffy.

Another first date that works for a lot of people is simple and  has multiple advantages, ask her out for coffee. Why coffee? Well a soda would do as well but calling it coffee gets the point across. Ok, the real reason. Coffee, done in the late afternoon is casual, no need to dress up to the nines. If she shows up dressed to the nines she is probably really into you. Either that or really high maintenance, but bet on into you until she shows other signs of that. Now you are in the local cafe and things really go badly, after an hour or so you can make some excuse and get out of there, coffee isn’t a set time or anything so you have an escape hatch. So does she, so it is a low pressure environment.  On the other hand let’s assume things go well, very well in fact. Asking her to come to dinner with you at that point is almost organic.After dinner? Well there is more coffee or anything either of you can come up with.

The important thing is to just get through it without chasing her off. Second dates are easier. Sometimes I wish we could do second dates first. BTW, if you met her at a con and spent more than an hour or so talking to her quit sweating this first date. At that point it qualifies as a second date. If you met her online and have more than 5 or 6 hours on the phone with her, and have used a real picture? you’ve had that first date too. Now it’s time to just have fun.

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3 comments on “First Dates For Geeks

  1. A coffee— or bubble tea, or even just the food court– place near a favorite geekery is a good idea, too. Even if it’s just a vanilla puzzles-and-games store at the mall, it’s something to talk about.

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    • Exactly, anything simple and no pressure

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      • Yup. Simple stuff works best. Museums, parks, the zoo, all good. Anything where you can’t talk (movies) or hear each other speak (auto races and the like) usually aren’t so good.

        I think another reason second dates are better is that *first* dates are more of an expedition into unknown territory. Second dates, you get to share what you are passionate about. This is good two ways.

        Firstly, one of you gets to see the other doing something they love. People like happy people, generally speaking- it’s attractive. It makes folks we are attracted to, more attractive. I think the brooding stranger bit gets way overdone, and doesn’t generally lead to long-term happiness.

        Secondly, if you get the other person involved, even if things go completely wonky, at least if you can laugh about it, then it’s okay. You’ve got a shared experience now, and that’s worth a lot more than any physical gift I can think of. And I say that as a guy who is just as happy sitting at home, reading together, as anything else.

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