The writer, a field guide to the North American writer

naturalistSo you want to join the ranks of Writer watchers do you? You have your Binos, jungly style outfit with shorts and a pith helmet? Ahh… you are missing the field guide. Well, I am here to rectify that problem. The first thing you need to do is discover how to differentiate between the species of writer.

First we will discuss the Writer pseudocoffehouses, This breed can be found, usually,  in company with the Artist negligiblus. Both will be in a public place ostentatiously giving out their territorial cry of “Ima writer” “I’m an artist” “I’m deep and sensitive”. This type of writer, much like his artistic companion, can be recognized by their lack of output And stories of being misunderstood.

The next type of writer is the Writer literati, Their native habitat is the Public University. while superficially similar to the Writer pseudocoffeehouses is attire and lack of real talent the W. literati normally has a fairly large output. This is carefully placed with vanity presses catering to universities and preserved on shelves, never to see the light of day. A subspecies can be found in NYC publishing houses where their output goes on to the shelves of bookstores and the truly parasitical nature of the species is evident in the demise of its hosts.

On to the noisiest type, the Writer jornolist. These brown beaked birds have devolved to carrion eaters. They used to be hunters but the only one left with that sort of courage are a subspecies of trained attack writer owned by the Demonic party, recent efforts by the Repugnant party to breed their own have been notably unsuccessful. The W. jornolist can usually be found around cesspits, celebrities, and politicians, but I repeat myself.

The Writer ghostus is an elusive species of low visibility, best seen drinking and complaining about prostituting themselves.

The Writer hackus is the hardest of all to spot. A solitary creature, they are seldom seen in public. Most easily distinguished by a dreamy air and complaints about sore fingers, these creatures spend most of their lives in solitude. They do turn out a considerable amount of product, most of it high quality and under appreciated.

There you have it a basic guide to the most common species of Writer on the North American continent, enjoy writing.Naturalist_on_the_River_Amazons_figure_29


7 comments on “The writer, a field guide to the North American writer

  1. Pith helmet? Please, an Australian slouch hat is much more fashionable.


  2. I am not impressed by the silly hat


    • I do believe you are a hack. Not a bad tradition to follow in when you consider those who have proclaimed that status before


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